


and you don't know why

by sharpshooting



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Developing Relationship, F/M, Paladin Swap, Pining, black!keith, blue!shiro, red!katie, the hurty side of codependency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 09:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13544448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharpshooting/pseuds/sharpshooting
Summary: Keith's been harsher ever since they found him again, and Katie keeps ending up on the wrong end of his bite. Sure, it hurts, but she's not broken up over it or anything...And then, without much warning at all, she is. She's got her shattered heart in her hands, trying not to drip blood or tears or anything like that on the floor, wondering how on earth she's going to deal withthismess.And Shiro, thatincompetent womanizer—He takes the pieces out of her hands and helps her fit them back together again.





	and you don't know why

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katieshirogane](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=katieshirogane).



> Heyyyy~ This is a shidentine's gift to katieshirogane that (despite my best efforts) is _inspired by_ but not perfectly identical to [their paladinswap au](http://katieshirogane.tumblr.com/tagged/paladinswap-au) where Pidge and Shiro are swapped into the klance roles. 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon came on as I was brainstorming and I just couldn't stop thinking about the Keith/Katie/Shiro triangle? Like _heck_ man, I've been there and it hurts like a bitch. 
> 
> So yes.
> 
> I hope they enjoy this~!
> 
> (And, uhhhh, warnings for Katie's internalized misogyny and bad coping skills? *sweats*)

_"You're_ **_useless_** _, Katie!"_

It was funny how there were some people who could shatter you with just a word.

Or, rather, it wasn't funny at all, but Katie would only admit there was water on her face once she got in the shower and had a decent excuse for the dampness, so 'funny' was the term she was sticking to.

If those words had come from _any_ other member of the team, she'd be _fine._ If it'd been Hunk? She'd check him for mind-control. Allura? She'd brush it off as the princess having a bad day. Coran would probably be _tsking_ that word at her in the kitchen. Shiro'd just use it to rile her up.

But Keith?

 _You're_ **_useless_** _, Katie!_

Katie wasn't quite clumsy enough to trip over thin air, but her knees still wanted to give out.

Keith had been colder, _sharper_ ever since he'd come back, but this was the first time he'd ever said something like...

Like...

( _Useless._ )

"...Katie?"

Katie really did stumble that time.

Not him.

God, please.

 _Anyone_ but Shiro.

"What do you want?" Katie snapped, horrified to hear her voice crack. "I'm _busy._ "

"Uhh..." said the _real_ useless member of their team. The hopeless womanizer. The big _dumbass._ "Are you...?"

"No," Katie croaked, then, belatedly, "I mean yes." She swallowed the thickness out of her voice. "I mean, no, I'm not crying; yes, I'm fine. _Leave._ "

Shiro, _damn him to hell and back,_ did not leave.

( _'Ineffectual' is just another word for_ **_usel_** _—_ )

He let out a soft sigh that almost sounded like, _oh geez,_ but Katie didn't hear it clearly enough to justify calling him on it. A warm, heavy hand landed on her shoulder, and for once, Katie didn't have the will to shrug it off.

"You don't... look so great," Shiro said, and Katie _hated_ that the gentle concern in his voice was enough to make her vision blur all over again.

"Fuck _off._ " She blinked until she could see the seams of the floor panels again, studiously ignoring the splatter of droplets decorating the space near her feet. "It's hormones. Just hormones."

(Her cycle was two weeks away, but Shiro didn't need to know that.)

Shiro inhaled, then exhaled a soft, "Right."

Katie found it in herself to jerk away, stomach churning.

"You know!" Shiro said before she could escape. "I, uh, hear that chocolate and hugs are pretty good for stuff like that... or so my sisters say."

The last part was mumbled in an undertone, but Katie hardly noticed.

Chocolate and hugs sounded—

( _Useless._ )

—stupid, obviously. She was the Garrison's best pilot—why would _she_ need anything so... so... _helplessly girly?_

Shiro reached out to her again, telegraphing his motions like she was a scared kitten, not the top of their class and pilot of _both_ the red and black lions.

But, damn him, it worked. Katie didn't flinch when his palm met her back.

"C'mon, oh great leader," he said, and for once, the title didn't sound mocking at all. "Let's go see what we have for space chocolate."

* * *

 

They didn't have anything near _real_ chocolate, but they did have had a dark green, bittersweet substance that tasted close enough to pass when mixed with Kaltenecker’s milk.

Shiro didn't try to hug her, didn't try to talk, just sat beside her as they both held steaming mugs of hot space chocolate.

 _Would Keith have done this?_ Katie couldn't help but wonder. She thought he might have, before everything—before aliens and disappearances and space battles, maybe even just before his most recent disappearance—but she didn't think she'd ever... somehow, she'd never quite managed to bring herself to admit that weakness in front of him.

It was... _shameful_ that something as simple and normal as a menstrual cycle could bring her down. It was embarrassing to feel a single cruel word so keenly.

It was _embarrassing_ what he did to her.

She shouldn't feel what she felt, and maybe if she told herself that enough, her stomach would stop flipping over whenever he smiled.

( _You're_ **_useless_** _, Katie!_ )

And maybe, _maybe_ then this new Keith wouldn't be able to rip her to shreds.

Wasn't that a thought.

She didn't know. Loving Keith had been a part of her for so long she didn't know what she'd be without it. Didn't have the first idea how to manage a heart that had twisted itself all up in the essence of him and refused to budge.

"...Katie?"

She blinked blurry eyes, droplets of moisture soaking into her jeans. "What."

Her gut flinched at how raw her voice was, but Shiro was looking at her with a horrible sort of tenderness that was even _worse_ somehow.

"What happened?"

And really, if anyone else had asked her that, she would have made up some line about homesickness (ha, _what_ home?) or allergies (there didn't seem to _be_ any allergens in space). If Shiro had asked her that _an hour ago,_ she would have snorted and left. If Keith had asked her that...

She would have told him nothing was wrong. Nothing at all. Because Keith was _everything,_ and every weakness she showed was a risk he'd decide she wasn't worth his time anymore.

Like he just had.

Katie swallowed a mewl, curling around the knife-wound pain in her stomach. There were tears splashing down her face now; real, big, fat tears that were just as humiliating as she'd known they would be.

Beside her, Shiro hissed through his teeth.

A warm, broad hand clasped her shoulder. Everything inside Katie rejected the touch for three harsh seconds, and then Shiro pulled her into a hug.

Katie... Katie broke down sobbing.

It was stupid, he was stupid, _she_ was stupid, everything was stupid stupid _stupid_ —

But she hadn't realized that this was something she'd desperately needed until she had it.

His stupid painted-on T-shirt was soft under her fingers, his stupidly excessive muscles firm and solid, the smell of his sweat foreign and calming at once. He ran hotter than she did, the warmth of the embrace sinking right down to her chilly bones. Stupidly gentle fingers cupped the back of her head, letting her muffle her open-mouthed sobs in his shoulder.

She hated it, she hated it, she _hated it_ , yet the relief that chased her tears was almost as startlingly intense as the pain itself.

Crying had never helped her before, so why _now?_

Something about Shiro's off hand stroking her spine and pulling her close, something about his cheek nuzzling the top of her head, something about the way his fingers felt massaging her scalp was filling that aching void before it had a chance to make itself known, making the way her throat was shredded by the noises leaving her easier to bear.

And Shiro, the big dumbass womanizer that he was, just waited out the storm.

He didn't let her go when her grief finally petered out, nor when the tears finally stopped. He didn't comment about the snot or spit she'd gotten on his thin shirt, nor about how silly it was for her to be crying. Not once did he try to tell her it would be okay. Not once had he tried to shush her.

He just... _held_ her.

It was in that absolute silence that Katie finally confessed, "Keith... said I was..." She swallowed the rawness out of her voice. "...Useless."

Katie knew the instant Shiro stopped breathing—his chest stopped rising and falling against hers.

"...He _what._ "

It wasn't a question. She didn't think she'd ever heard Shiro sound that _angry_ before.

Katie jerked back, out of his hold. "I-I mean, I was being pretty... pretty annoying, a-and on the mission I lost the key, and... I couldn't stop talking about how hard it is to _lead_ and... and he hasn't... hasn't..."

Shiro stared at her, utterly blank.

"I deserved it," she finished, forcing her voice into semi-calmness. Her pulse fluttered in her tight throat. "It... it just kind of... hurt. A bit."

She couldn't quite look him in the eye until she finished saying it, but that was boxed up and packed away before she could think too much about it.

Shiro blinked at her once, then twice, and then opened his mouth.

Katie could feel her shoulders drawing up, waiting for the strike. Damn it all, but letting go like that had brought her defenses down again—she never would have let on that she was expecting the blow before.

Shiro shut his mouth.

...Huh?

Exhaling a sharp sigh, he rubbed the back of his head, the damp patch she'd left on his shirt pulling slightly as he did so. Smiling like the very act of it hurt him, he said, "Nothing I say is going to get through to you, is it."

It was Katie's turn to blink.

"You don't deserve to hear that." His hand came down to brace her shoulder, grey eyes open and honest and so _convinced_ that she almost believed him. "He shouldn't have said that. You're _amazing._ "

Surprise and gratitude and gentle denial met a staggering wave of _utter panic_ in her chest. She opened her mouth to reply, to demur, to do _anything_ but sit there and gape—and came up blank.

"You're amazing, and you're a great leader, and you're _not_ annoying _or_ useless," Shiro went on, giving her a little shake. "You're brave and strong and _smart._ He's _wrong._ "

The underlying _you're wrong too_ went unsaid.

Katie tittered. She fucking _tittered._

There was nothing she could say to that, absolutely nothing. Congratulations, Shiro, you did it. You rendered Katie Holt perfectly speechless.

Her skin was crawling, her stomach squirming with fight or flightflightflight, totally and completely unsure what to do with herself under the barrage of _praise_. She didn't usually find Shiro hard to deny, but the surety he spoke with felt like unavoidable _fact_ somehow.

Her cheeks stung, and Katie swore to god that if she was blushing she was flinging herself out of the airlock in her Earth clothes for the express purpose of suffocation.

"Th-that—" she stammered. "That's, uh, I-I mean. I'm really _not_..."

Shiro's face shifted subtly, like he was primed to keep going if she denied him, and Katie found herself babbling, "Thank you! I-I mean thank you. You're... kind," before he could decide to heap more praise on the load.

She kind of understood now why every planet they landed on seemed to have some new alien chick making moon-eyes at his back. That kind of lauding probably would have made the day of _anyone_ less screwed up than Katie.

"This is how you get an alien girl on every planet, isn't it."

Shiro's mouth pulled into a bemused little half-smile. He seemed to have forgotten that he still had a hand on her shoulder. "What?"

"You go, _Ooh Nyma! You're so strong!_ and blush when they look at you, and then by the time you tell them they're pretty they actually _want_ to hear that, so they all jump on your dick like you're James Bond or something."

Shiro, when she looked over, had turned a bright, tomato-ish red. He spluttered magnificently. "I—! I don't—! I'm _not_ — It's not on _every_ planet..."

"It is _every planet,_ Shiro."

He emitted a strangled noise, and Katie bit down on her laughter.

This... this was more comfortable ground. No feelings on her part, no, just Shiro's womanizing habits and the method to his madness finally explained.

Shiro heaved a deep sigh, and then leaned into her space, his face still red but that old, familiar incendiary smirk on his face. "Then what about you?"

Katie took the bait. "Me?"

"Do I need to wait until we get to Earth to win your heart?" Then he faltered. "Wait, is it only aliens that count? Because—"

She cut him off with a snicker. "I don't think I'm your type, loverboy."

 _Whuff_ ing a sigh, Shiro looked away and mumbled, "Says who?"

...What?

"Uhh," she said, half-squinting at him. "Don't you go for, like, _pretty_ girls or something?"

She didn't think about how compliment-fish-y that sentence would sound until it was out of her mouth, but he just glanced at her, looking about as baffled as she felt.

"Y-es?" he said, faltering.

"I'm... a mess?" She tugged at a lock of her hair—she'd never bothered to clean it up after she'd chopped it all off during that awful year Keith had been gone—and she was probably still all blotchy and snotty and gross from her breakdown...

Why was he smiling?

Looking _unbearably_ fond, Shiro pulled the lock from her hand and tucked it behind her ear. "Yep."

"So...?" Whywhywhy was her chest tingling again— _why?_ "I mean, _obviously_..."

Shiro smiled wider, teasing and too, too _honest._ "You're still lovey."

A strangled noise of protest left her throat, her face on _fire,_ and he just _laughed._

"Well!" she half-squawked, for lack of anything better to say. "Oh... 'kay."

He just laughed louder.

Bastard. Big dumbass. Hopeless womanizer.

Katie picked up her mug of cold space chocolate so she could hide her red, red face behind it and pretend that had never happened.

* * *

 

Keith apologized to her the next day.

History and feelings and _everything_ aside, Katie desperately didn't want to know why _you didn't deserve that_ sounded so much... _less_ the second time around.

She _didn't._

She just... didn't.


End file.
